Skip to see some of my work for brands including Google, LinkedIn, YouTube, Vans and more here. Or, read a bit about my skills below…

 

Rap lovin' bearded* lady available for copywriting

Forbes has a list of things employers want. So stand back whilst I demonstrate that I’ve got them.

Ability to sell and influence others

I can probably sell you or at least swop you for something useful. Maybe a pine tree car air freshener, or some Aldi shopping bags, plastic ones, but definitely not the canvas ones.

Ability to communicate

People who kiss dogs on the lips gross me out.

I just communicated that to you.

Ability to obtain and process information

I remember loads of '90s rap tunes lyrics. My teenage years were spent in the loos with my homies, the other private school girls, making gangster signs with our hands and rapping about gin and juice. 

That, and I know the alphabet. That’s a lot of letters to remember in sequence.

Reliability

If we were doing one of those team building exercises where you'd fall back into my arms, I'd always catch you. Unless someone offered me some salt and vinegar crisps just at the time when I was meant to catch you. Then I’d drop you like a hot stone.

Ability to make decisions and solve problems

This morning I’d to choose between my grey boots and my runners. The runners made my legs look shorter, but they were more comfortable.

If I chose the runners, there was the possibility that I’d have to change my trousers in order to make my legs appear longer. It’s important to try and convince people that you’ve longer legs than you actually have. Magazines tell me so.

After weighing up the pros and cons of both types of footwear, I decided to stay inside. Decision made, problem solved.

*Am liar, is more a moustache. 

Sure aren’t you only brilliant, Snoopy?

Sure aren’t you only brilliant, Snoopy?