Forbes has a list of things employers want. So stand back whilst I demonstrate that I’ve got them.
I can probably sell you or at least swop you for something useful. Maybe a pine tree car air freshener, or some Aldi shopping bags, plastic ones, but definitely not the canvas ones.
People who kiss dogs on the lips gross me out.
I just communicated that to you.
I remember loads of '90s rap tunes lyrics. My teenage years were spent in the loos with my homies, the other private school girls, making gangster signs with our hands and rapping about gin and juice.
That, and I know the alphabet. That’s a lot of letters to remember in sequence.
If we were doing one of those team building exercises where you'd fall back into my arms, I'd always catch you. Unless someone offered me some salt and vinegar crisps just at the time when I was meant to catch you. Then I’d drop you like a hot stone.
This morning I’d to choose between my grey boots and my runners. The runners made my legs look shorter, but they were more comfortable.
If I chose the runners, there was the possibility that I’d have to change my trousers in order to make my legs appear longer. It’s important to try and convince people that you’ve longer legs than you actually have. Magazines tell me so.
After weighing up the pros and cons of both types of footwear, I decided to stay inside. Decision made, problem solved.
*Am liar, is more a moustache.